Ode To Solitude
by Padfoot0311
Summary: Remus' PoV of what happens before the Shrieking Shack and after / set near the end of PoA


**Ode to solitude**

Remus was in his office grading the newest essays by the 3rd graders. Suddenly, he heard footsteps outside, down the corridor. It was in the middle of the night, so he went out of his office to check it out. The hallway was only slightly illuminated by a "Lumos" from a wand. He saw Harry holding a piece of paper (which looked a lot like very special piece of paper, Remus thought he would never see again) and recognized Snape, holding his wand way too close to Harry, immediately.

He stepped in and acted as if the parchment was just a hoax to offend anyone who would take a look at it and took it. He stirred Harry to his office and asked him to explain how he got the map. When Harry denied it being a map, just a piece of parchment, he tipped it with his wand and said the words: "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." and the parchment filled itself with ink. Harry looked a little dazzled at how Remus knew how to activate the map but remained silent. Remus finally told him to get to bed really fast and not to take any extra turns because he was going to see it (on the map, naturally). On the way out, the young wizard turned and told his professor that the map seems to be broken, because it showed Peter Pettigrew, who is well-known to be dead.

After that night, life wasn't the same for Remus. Peter was supposed to be dead – how was that even possible? The map doesn't lie. Ever. Staring fixedly at it, basically all the time when he wasn't giving classes, didn't make it much better for him. He felt like he was going crazy - especially now. With the full moon approaching, all his emotions were heightened.

Remus summoned a house elf to bring him a hot chocolate – he needed something to calm him down (probably a Firewhiskey would have been even better), but Remus usually wasn't much of a drinker. He sat down on the window sill and looked over the grounds of Hogwarts. The wind was howling and the trees were being bent by its force. He let his eyes roam over to the lake where the giant squid was sleeping somewhere deep down below. Then, they found the Whomping Willow. His mind wandered back in time. His best friends became Animagi to support him every full moon in the Shrieking Shack. He would have given his life for every single one of them but now, there wasn't much left of them. James got killed and Peter was supposedly killed by Sirius, who spent 12 years in Azkaban before breaking out a few weeks prior. Remus wondered how he did it, probably transformed into Padfoot to confuse the dementors… Could it be that after all that time, Sirius was actually innocent? Remus always doubted that Sirius was capable of betraying his friends, but then again, he was their secret keeper… He was still watching the Whomping Willow when he saw two shadows running over the grass. One, he could make out, was a bushy cat, the other looked a lot like a big, black, shaggy dog. Remus rubbed his eyes; he couldn't believe what he was seeing. When he opened them again, both animals were gone. He was probably hallucinating. Not really having slept in over a week could certainly lead to that. Remus decided to take a flask of Dreamless Sleep, which Ms Pomfrey had brought over earlier. He'd need his strength the next night.

When he woke up, he knew, or rather: felt, it immediately: it was the day of the full moon. His muscles felt sore, his heart was racing and his head was pounding. He sent a quick note to Dumbledore who told him Snape was going to take over his classes and that he shouldn't feel bad about it (Remus had apologized at least five times in the note).  
He took a long, hot shower and shaved. Then he took the Marauders Map and spoke the words.

Remus put the map on his desk and circled it for hours, as he did for so many days already. Then he saw it. The words "Sirius Black", "Ron Weasley" and "Peter Pettigrew" were in front of him. They were all going, rather running, towards the Whomping Willow. Harry and Hermione followed.

Remus snatched the map and set off running towards the hidden passage to the Shrieking Shack. When he got there, Harry was pointing his wand at Sirius, or rather, what was left of him. The once beautiful man, who was always smiling, was looking miserable. His hair had grown long and shaggy - there were at least a thousand knots in there. He had grown a full beard in Azkaban and his eyes looked hollow in his far too thin face. Remus didn't hesitate a second and threw an "Expelliarmus" towards Harry. The next second, he got tackled to the floor by Sirius in a bone-crunching hug. He let go after what felt like hours, but were only a few moments, when he noticed Harry, Hermione and Ron were staring at them, completely disgusted. It was time to explain everything.

_oOo_

On Buckbeaks back, Sirius flew to the abandoned hut, he found after he got out of Azkaban. It was rather close to Hogsmeade, but still high up in the mountains, so no one would notice him being there.

He went to the bathroom and stared at his reflection in terror. He was so busy chasing Peter in the past weeks, he didn't check the mirror once. The traitorous rat ran away, but at least Harry knew the truth. That had to count for something. His "not-taking-care-of-himself-attitude" had to change now.

Sirius decided to take a shower and try to get his hair in place. That turned out to be quite a challenge, so he reached the conclusion to just cut it. After almost an hour of hot water running down his back and drying himself, he took out the wand he stole from some guy in Hogsmeade (he was going to give in back as soon as he had his own wand back) and cut his black locks with a spell until they reached the same length they had back in Hogwarts. He also tried his best to shave but since he was extremely exhausted from the lack of food recently and the warming spell for the hut and water, as well as the cutting spell, he couldn't manage the shaving anymore.

Exactly in that moment, someone knocked on the door. He had given Remus the exact coordinates of the hut, so that after turning human again and getting a little better, he could come visit to talk things out. Sirius was both extremely anxious for this conversation, as he was ecstatic to finally have his best friend back. Also, he really hoped Remus brought food.

_oOo_

Remus knew his friend better than anyone; of course he had brought him food. He bought some chocolate from Honeydukes and got roasted pork with potatoes, gravy and peas at the Hog's Head, before following Sirius' directions to the hut. When the door opened, he held up the "lunch package" so that Sirius knew not to tackle him to the floor again.

"You cut your hair."; stated Remus. Sirius smiled proudly and said "Yeah and I even tried to shave but that wand is not working all that well and, also, I am hungry. And tired, Gods, Remus, I am so tired.". Remus noticed a little shiver that went through Sirius' body when he talked. He really must be undernourished.

"Eat. It will help. Then you can take a nap and after that, we'll talk."

So they ate and Remus washed the dishes with a flick of his wand. He could feel that Sirius was incredibly grateful for the food (and the dish washing).

"Remus, can I ask you something?", Sirius eyed him cautiously.

"What's going on, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled at hearing his nickname, "Could you shave my face? The beard is kind of bugging me."

Remus laughed, took out his wand and pointed it at Sirius' face. He muttered the incantation and Sirius' face was smooth as baby's skin: "Better?"; he asked with a smile.  
Sirius brought his hands up to his face, tracing his jaw and cheeks and chuckled: "So much better. Thanks, Moony." Remus winced at this. It has been so long since someone called him Moony and it was somehow always something special with Sirius.

A sudden surge of emotion overcame him and in two long strides, he was next to his best friend, hugging him tightly. They only broke apart when Remus noticed he was getting Sirius' shirt wet and his shoulder was getting drenched by Sirius' tears, as well. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment and then, they started laughing. Probably, it was the relief washing over them because at least, they were together again. Probably, it was the absurdity of the whole situation. If someone was watching from the window, he would have thought he'd stumbled into an Asylum.

After nearly half an hour of laughing fits, both men fell exhausted on the couch. Sirius moved a little closer to Remus and the latter put an arm around him. They were still snuggled together when they woke up a few hours later.

Remus woke first and tried to detangle himself from his friend without waking him up. Sirius jerked awake due to the sudden lack of warmth and looked at Remus with big, grey eyes.

"Where are you going?"

\- "I was just going to pee. I'll be back in a minute."

Sirius mumbled something and Remus turned to do what he just told Sirius.

When he came back, he asked him: "What did you say when I went to the bathroom? I didn't quite catch that."

\- "I thought you'd leave. I thought you'd given up on me again. Don't. Please don't give up on me. Again."; and then, all the dams broke and Sirius started choking on sobs that were building up in his chest.

Remus positioned himself next to him, embraced him and put a kiss on the top of Sirius' head.

"I won't leave you again."

\- "Promise me, Moony. Promise you'll never go away."

"I promise, Sirius."

\- "I missed you so much, Moony."

"I missed you, too, Padfoot. More than you can ever imagine." and with that, he turned Sirius' chin up and planted a kiss on his lips; the lips he had missed for almost 13 years.

_oOo_


End file.
